What is empathy, really?
Is it a feeling, a personality trait or a concept? Is it fleeting or constant?
I’ve been thinking a lot about empathy lately - what it means, how it shows up, how it’s perceived…
It’s actually kind of a tricky, bizarre concept because it’s intangible - more so than other emotions or feelings. If someone is angry, sad, happy, it’s often more obvious, more written on their face or easier to understand; these are basic emotions that we are taught about as little kids.
But empathy is different. It requires 2 people for empathy to be present and a certain level of understanding between them.
So is empathy even an emotion, or is it a personality trait?
Is it fleeting or constant?
Does it have a limit or expiry?
Does it only apply in certain situations?
Is it only present when the situation is something you can relate to?
Is it only reserved for those we love?
Does it have boundaries?
Or does it transcend boundaries?
Is it an underlying feeling, a way that we approach the world?
Do some people experience it and some don’t?
Or is it on a spectrum?
I think there’s different types, or levels. You can feel empathetic but that doesn’t mean that you are an empath. If you are an empath, it means it’s infused into everything you do. There are no limits, no boundaries, no situations where you are not an empath.
If you can turn it on and off, perhaps you can feel empathy frequently or in certain situations, but you are not an empath, because I don’t think empaths are able to turn it off. It is seared into the very essence of their being to approach life and those around them with an empathetic lens, always.
I think that’s why setting boundaries can be so damn hard because you have to override your natural state of empathy in order to set the boundary. Of course, in the long run it’s more compassionate to set boundaries for both people involved, but in the short term it can feel un-empathetic - the opposite of how you approach the world.
I’ve never really given much thought on the topic, but it has come up a lot lately in my life and I started to wonder what it actually means - if I were to write a definition what would it be?
A quick Google search tells me that many other people are confused as to how to categorize empathy as well - as an emotion, personality trait, state of being or just a concept, which gave me a giggle - we’re all just trying to figure out what everything means.
I’m still not sure how to define it exactly, but what I do know is that being an empath is both a beautiful and exhausting thing. I wrote this poem a few months ago and just came across it again, which fits in nicely:
Being an empath is both a beautiful and exhausting thing. The amount of input that I experience can be so overwhelming, so overstimulating. Someone can just walk into a room and I’m on high alert to understand how they’re feeling, what energy they are bringing. And this happens in the background of my mind without me even being aware of it. One time, my friend had bad period cramps and I started to feel sick myself. Another friend broke up with her partner and before she even opened her mouth I knew what had happened. Someone can cry in a TV show and I will cry too. As a highly sensitive empath, it’s so important to have boundaries because otherwise you overextend and exhaust yourself and the input becomes too much to handle. You can start to feel like you’re going crazy, carrying the weight of the world, even though nobody asked you to carry it. The most compassionate thing you can do for yourself and for others around you is to take time alone to set boundaries to learn to recognize when you are overextending or taking on someone else’s emotions when it is not necessary. Empathy is only beautiful when you can separate yourself from it. Feel it, and let it go.
